Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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