Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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