I will die if light touches me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
