Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
