i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
