Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
