Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
