Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
