Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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