TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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