On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
