I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
