She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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