Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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