Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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