Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do herpes really smell.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
