i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
