my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
