Will you blow on my dice?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
