It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
