nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
