Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
