i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
