I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
