Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i will never coherently bang her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize