you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
