So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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