Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
