there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
