So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
