ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
