he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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