Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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