Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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