i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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