I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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