I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
