Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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