Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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