mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize