I am spending my child support on dildos
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize