just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
