To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
