Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
