apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think your dad took our porno
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
