Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
