I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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