Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
