i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
