i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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