forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
