she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
