This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
