God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
