So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So drunk its hurt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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