at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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