Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
