She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
