You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I skipped work to stalk him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
