nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
