I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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