Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
