I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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