Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
