Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
