Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
