We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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